He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
