I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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