I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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