I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
