wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it hurts more in the daytime
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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