My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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