She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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