So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
