There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
