i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
