This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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