This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
