His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
