I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
