Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
