life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We need to get me chipped asap
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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