I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
