so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Vodka?
Forever.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
