When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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