I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
