Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
