He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
