Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
