I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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