I will die if light touches me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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