I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
