ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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