Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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