I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
