Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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