dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
