Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
