I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
