I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
