the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
