Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
