Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
