he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
