would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
