Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
