It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
