im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
