Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
