Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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