Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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