I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize