i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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