Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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