I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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