I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
