there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
