sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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