and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
