i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This is classic penis vs brain.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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