i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
