she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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