a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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