So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
