Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
