I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
