She announced her abortion via fbk
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize