just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
