His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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