The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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