Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
