Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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