i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
