im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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