we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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