Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
40s are totally the cure
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
