I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
