i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
