sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
