So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
