I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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